Where He Went
by merlotte456
Summary: Alec after Max's funeral; how I think he dealt with it.


"_Clary's not here," said Simon. "And I'm not going away until you talk to me." "Alec!" Isabelle yelled. "Jace! Make him go away!" Simon waited. There was no sound from downstairs. Either Alec had left or he was lying low._

Disclaimer: I do not own The Mortal Instruments series, they are written by the wonderful Cassandra Clare.

Summary: Where I think Alec was during the above scene in CoG, and what he was doing.

Magnus Bane felt absolutely exhausted; everything hurt from his hair to his feet. He had just returned from healing Jocelyn Fray at the hospital, with the promise to return to her the following morning and portal her to outside the city- despite the antidote she was still not well enough to travel to Idris via portal.

There were moments he wondered why he was doing all of this, part of it was his promise to Clary, healing her mother in return for the Book of White, but the main reason, of course much clearer as he neared the home he was temporarily staying in, Alec Lightwood. Alec was adorned in white clothing, a sign of mourning among Shadowhunters; other signs however were a bit less obvious if you didn't know Alec like Magnus had gotten to over the short period of time.

His face was stony, expressionless, staring into space as he sat on the bench in front of Magnus's place. His eyes were shiny, but there were no sign of tears. His slumped shoulders, slightly shaky, from the cool of the night or sadness- Magnus figured it was a bit of both.

"Alexander?" Magnus whispered gently as he approached the boy, careful not to spook him from his thought.

"Magnus," Alec's voice cracked. "Hey."

Magnus placed his hand on Alec's shoulder, one of the few times he had done such an intimate gesture, in an open setting that is, and not have it shrugged away; the only response was a downwards glance from Alec, his eyes going quickly back to Magnus's.

"Are you alright?"

Stupid question, Magnus knew, but in his hundreds of years on this Earth, he knew there was no right thing to say at a time like this.

"I um," Alec's voice was shaking, and he bit his lip, "no."

He stared at the ground, his shoulders shaking more than they had before. Or maybe it was just a bit more obvious now that Magnus was holding him.

"Come inside."

Alec looked up, eyes still shimmering, and he ran a hand through his messy hair.

"I should go," Alec said, standing up, his legs weak. "I'm sorry for bothering you."

Magnus caught his arm as he tried to leave, spinning the Shadowhunter around; and saw Alec's eyes were now filled with tears, "I insist. And you aren't bothering me."

Alec looked at his shoes again, but nodded and followed Magnus inside. Magnus led Alec to a cozy kitchen and had him sit at the table, hot chocolate appearing in front of Alec as Magnus took a seat across from him. They both sat in silence for a while, Alec occasionally taking a sip of his drink.

"Thanks for this," Alec murmured, his eyes on the drink in front of him.

"Thanks?" Magnus asked, his eyebrows lifting to his hairline.

"Talk about déjà vu" Alec whispered, with a halfhearted laugh.

Magnus knew, of course, this laugh was forced, his need to say something- as long as it wasn't something about Max.

"Alec…" Magnus whispered his voice wrought with concern.

"I don't know what do Magnus," Alec's voice was shakier than before.

Magnus was silent, allowing Alec to speak when he could. Alec glanced up from where he had been staring, his eyes locking with Magnus's; blue eyes blurry with tears.

"My baby brother- he's dead. Our whole life, we're taught all these things we're capable of as Shadowhunters. But there is so much we can't do. I couldn't fight Sebastian, I can't help Izzy or Jace, and convince them it's not their fault, I can't talk to Max ever again- hell I don't even remember the last time I even talked to him- _really _talked to him."

"Alexander, you can't do this to yourself. You have every right to grieve for your brother, but do not put this on yourself. Your brother loved you, and you him, and that is the greatest thing in the world to have, mutual love like that in your family."

Alec shrugged, not knowing what to say. He was never good with words, usually just saying what was on his mind or shutting down completely. Alec wasn't like Jace or Isabelle concealing what they felt with witty remarks; he spoke the truth or not at all- and when he tried to lie, it was usually quite disastrous.

"It doesn't make it any easier."

Magnus shook his head, "Of course not, I doubt much I could say will."

"Can we just… not talk?" Alec asked, voice quivering slightly, but less than before.

Magnus nodded, "Whatever you want."

Alec chewed on his lip, "Can I stay with you tonight?"

Magnus's eyes widened marginally, and he wasn't sure how to respond, Alec must have gotten self-conscious because he explained himself quickly.

"Jace is with Clary, I doubt he's coming back, and Izzy is with Simon," Alec broke off a bit, as if unsure of what to say next, "And I couldn't help but want to stay with you."

Magnus wasn't sure whether to feel honored or insulted; Alec had implied he felt for him what Jace felt for Clary, but he was unsure if he was just an escape as he sometimes felt he was for Alec.

Alec saw that Magnus wasn't replying, and got up, feeling too vulnerable and embarrassed to stick around to hear the sure no that was coming. He should have known he had treated Magnus poorly in the past; you can't expect someone to welcome you with open arms after that.

"Alec!" Magnus exclaimed, grabbing his hand for the second time that night.

Alec did his best to conceal the hurt on his face, something that was always hard to do around Magnus. Magnus read him like an open book.

"I don't need your pity, I understand. Besides, I should go check in on Isabelle."

"No, I want you to stay, but only if it's what you truly want."

Alec froze, his hand still in Magnus's, and while he still was overwhelmed with sorrow, he felt a bit better in Magnus's comforting grip.

"It is. I want to be with someone I care about."

Magnus felt his heart clench at the words, he had known Alec cared about him, he had promised to introduce him to his family after all, but had never said those words out loud before. He stood up and pulled Alec to him, pecking him on the forehead, and just holding him there. Magnus rested his head on top of Alec's, swaying slightly. Alec titled his head up, just staring into Magnus's eyes, blue into golden-green.

Alec then kissed just below Magnus's lips, on both sides of them, over them, and then their mouths met, for a slow, long, open mouthed kiss. They pulled apart both eyes glazed over a bit. Alec rested his head against Magnus's shoulder.

"Can we go to bed?" Alec asked, after what felt like a lifetime of just holding each other.

Magnus pulled them apart, looking at his eyes, asking him a question without words, before leading the way to "his" bedroom.

"I have to leave early in the morning," Magnus explained, "but you're than welcome to stay as long as you would like."

Alec just sat on the bed and took off his boots.

"I'm an early riser, I'll probably go."

Magnus just nodded, though if he were honest, the thought of Alec staying until he came back made his heart swell with a love he had never felt before. He wondered if normal couples ever felt that sense of pride, coming home to a loved one after a day of normal work at their normal jobs. Hundreds years of living and he had never wanted to experience that more than he did with Alec.

Alec began unbutton his shirt, before seeming to think better of it and turn to Magnus.

"Is this alright? I'm not really comfortable in this." Alec explained.

Magnus stared at the Nephilim, the white clothing Shadowhunters used to express mourning seemed to blend with Alec's pale skin, making his striking blue eye pop even more, and his dark hair stick out in contrast. His skin also seemed to glow. Normally, Magnus would love to see his Alec in anything other than his normal drab black, grey, or brown clothing. However, he could rather see Alec in those holey, dreadful sweaters for the rest of his life, than ever see him in this- knowing what it meant.

"Of course whatever makes you comfortable."

Alec pursed his lips, as Magnus snapped his fingers, an air mattress appearing on the ground, already blown up. Alec stared at the warlock with a mixture of incredulousness and sadness.

"What are you doing?"

Magnus returned the look, "I don't want you to be uncomfortable-"

"No, I want to sleep with you… If, if you don't mind." Alec stammered.

Magnus paused; seeming to once again make sure it was what Alec really wanted, before snapping the mattress away, before lying down beside Alec, his shoes snapped away, and now in a sleep shirt and boxers.

"I thought you normally slept shirtless." Alec whispered shyly, closing the distance Magnus had between them.

Magnus stared at the boy, not for the first time tonight, being confused by him.

"I didn't want you to get freaked out." Magnus whispered, referring to the time when Alec had stayed with him in place of Jace, and had asked that both of them remain clothed as they shared a bed (Not getting much sleep due to Simon being turned into a vampire).

Alec bit his lower lip, "I don't mind this time."

Magnus lifted his shirt, sparing one more glance at Alec before pulling it over his head, watching blue eyes widen, and pale cheeks flush after he did so.

"Are you sure?" Magnus asked, concerned.

Alec was still chewing on his lip, when he nodded in response, then laying his head down on the warlock's chest. Magnus stiffened in surprise, and then relaxed, his fingers going to Alec's hair.

"This feels right," Alec whispered against Magnus's chest, and listening to his steady heartbeat.

"That it does." Magnus whispered, both to himself and Alec.

There was a long silence, as both were being lulled to sleep.

"I promised to introduce you to my family," Alec said in a hushed voice, and he titled his head to look Magnus in the eyes, "I will do that one day, when this is all over, I will."

Magnus nodded, hiding the disappointment that it wouldn't be sooner than that, not knowing when all of this would end, it could be years for all they knew. He'd known wars that lasted longer. But his hundreds of years had also given him infinite patience, and he knew Alec would do as he promised. He couldn't put it on the young boy to introduce him in the midst of everything with his family.

"Max would have loved you, I know it." Alec whispered, his voice slurred with sleep, and he held Magnus's hand with his own before sleep overtook him, Magnus smiling at the words before sleep did the same to him.

And that night- all of the Lightwood children slept better than they ever imagined they could; Izzy with Simon, Jace, however temporarily, with Clary, and Alec with Magnus.

I know this isn't quite close to the books, and of course Alec introduced Magnus much sooner to his family than he said, but I honestly think that was a spur of the moment decision and it would explain Magnus's surprise when Alec kissed him in the Accords Hall.

Also, I was re-reading City of Glass, and read where Jonathan/Sebastian used to place with Alec when they were babies, how creepy is that to think about?

And yes, I consider Jace a Lightwood, is that canon at this point?

Anyways, hope it was okay.


End file.
